Don't Ask Me Where I Stand
by carnival justice
Summary: [FFIV] The night before heading to Mysidia, Cecil admits to Kain that he's still having a little trouble coming to terms with the violent nature of the mission.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Final Fantasy IV or any of the characters or locations. It all belongs to Square-Enix.

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A helmet, solemn black with a carefully crafted horn protruding from each side, sat on the old tavern table. Its hollow 'eyes', which were actually the opening in the front through which the wearer could see, glared up at the man seated above it. His deep green eyes seemed distant and his head was resting on his hand, long, platinum blond tresses falling over the table's wooden surface. His thin lips were drawn into a tired line, and a half empty tankard was resting on the right side of the table, within easy distance of his hand.

Cecil Harvey wasn't sure if he could sink any further. As a dark knight and the commander of Baron's Red Wings, he was closely acquainted with death and debris, but that didn't make the bare facts any less ugly. Any other man who would go and kill innocent people to take something from them would have been considered a murderer and a thief. Countless men had been imprisoned for lesser crimes and Cecil failed in justifying his exemption from those laws not only politcally, but morally as well. If he stood before the fiery gates of Hell and rose his bloodstained hand, swearing to the jury of angels to tell the truth, would he be spared damnation just because he was doing his job?

He shook his head and sighed, pulling the tankard toward him and up to his mouth. The alcohol burned its way down his throat but, contrary to what many seemed to believe the brew did, it didn't offer him much comfort.

"Cecil." A heavy hand came down on his shoulder, making Cecil jump. He'd been so distracted with his own thoughts, he hadn't heard the dragoon approaching. Kain pulled out a chair and sat down in it. The lone waitress, a petite brunette, scurried over.

"Can I get you anything, sir?" she chirped.

"Whiskey would be good, thanks." Kain nodded.

"Coming right up!" With that, the young woman went off, taking a couple more orders along the way.

"She doesn't look old enough to be working here..." Kain mused.

"She isn't," said Cecil, "she's only seventeen, but her father owns this pub so she's guaranteed a job."

Kain nodded, then removed his own helmet. His thin, brown hair was still damp with sweat, implying that he'd probably just come in from training. He absently ran his fingers through it, exhaling slowly. "I didn't think I'd be seeing you in here." Cecil wasn't a regular drinker and usually only went to pubs or taverns when the people he was with decided to.

Cecil shrugged. "I needed it." He brought his drink to his lips and took a long sip.

Kain's brow furrowed in concern, but before he could venture further into the conversation, the waitress returned, two sloshing glasses on her tray. "Your whiskey, sir." She lowered the tray and grabbed one of the glasses with her free hand and set it in front of the dragoon.

"Thank you." Kain nodded at her and she hurried to the next table to liberate her tray of the second glass.

Kain sipped his drink before speaking again. "What's the matter?"

Cecil knew there was no use in trying to give Kain a false reassurance that everything was fine. The two had known each other almost their entire lives, so Kain was rather adept at reading Cecil. Cecil was pretty confident that he could do the same to his friend.

"Do you," he began, anxiously fiddling with his napkin, "think that I'm a criminal?"

Kain shook his head, his brow knit in puzzlement. "What? No. What possessed you to think that?"

Cecil let out a breath. "As of late, it seems the king's priorities for us Red Wings have shifted. Our job used to be to protect Baron, but lately, ever since he's taken an interest in the crystals, it's become more... violent. Innocent people are becoming victims, whereas before we simply killed when we had to, killed enemies of Baron. Currently, I am under orders to obtain the Water Crystal from Mysidia..." Cecil lowered his voice to an intimate whisper, not wanting to draw the negative attention of the other patrons. "...and am not to spare anything to get it."

"Well," Kain drew that word out, seeming to be at a loss for what to say. After taking a long sip of his whiskey, he shifted his focus back to the dark knight, whose emerald eyes were staring at him expectantly. "It's a mission," he finally stated.

"I'm not sure that's enough justification," Cecil replied, setting his impressively mangled napkin on the table in front of him. "I mean... anyone else would be called criminal for such actions."

"I think I understand how you feel," Kain reached over and tried in vain to smooth out Cecil's napkin, "but sometimes you have to leave your morals at the door... unless you wish to resign from the Red Wings." He peered closely at Cecil. "Is that what you're trying to say?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying at all!" Cecil shook his head fiercely. "I could never betray the King. It's just that... I have a feeling this mission is going to be a bloodbath."

"I'm sorry, Cecil, but there's really not a lot I can tell you. You're just going to have to do what you think is right, as tired as that phrase may be."

"I know..." Cecil stared down at the table top for a couple of minutes. He absolutely hated the idea of slaughtering Mysidians just to get their crystal, but on the same hand, he owed allegiance to Baron before anything else. He brought his gaze back up, meeting Kain's eye. "I'm going to do it. What choice do I have? With the crystals, Baron will prosper, and I guess I'm just going to have believe that the end will justify the means."

Kain offered him a bit of a smile. "When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow," replied Cecil.

"Have you told Rosa yet?"

Cecil shook his head.

"Don't you think you should?" Kain took a quick sip of his whiskey. "She'll be worried sick if you just disappear."

Kain was right, but Cecil just couldn't bring himself to tell Rosa about this. He already knew it was going to be horrific. "I don't know. Anyway, it's getting late so I should probably be off." Cecil pushed his chair back and stood up, dropping enough gil to pay for his drink on the table. He picked up his helmet and tucked it under his arm.

"Take care." Kain gave Cecil a quick wave and the captain of the Red Wings walked out into the chilly night, trying to tell himself, tell that doubtful part of his mind that what he was doing was the right thing the whole way back to Baron Castle.


End file.
